Ah spring...love is in the air. Not for me, of course, but it's in the air. I saw a bunch of couples today, while I was out and about, and I couldn't help but sigh. They're all so cute. Holding hands and being all lovey-dovey and stuff. It made me smile. You can tell that they're happy. You really can. You know by looking at them, that next month, they probably won't be able to even look at each other, but today...everyone was happy. It's the weather, I swear. Everyone is so much happier when it's nice out. And rightly so. We have all been cooped up all winter, dealing with grey skies, cold winds, dull snow and lifeless trees. It's the sunshine that makes us smile. The fresh, damp spring air that makes us sigh. The couples that makes us want to love again. I dunno...it was just a beautiful day!
And with the spring, I have decided that a new spring layout was in order. The other one was really depressing, and I couldn't stand looking at it anymore. I was inspired by Anne Taintor, today, when I was at Chapters, looking at her book. The image I actually wanted to use, was of a chick, all dressed up in Hawaiian clothes, and the caption read, "All I want is an umbrella in my drink". I thought it captured my mood, today. After searching for it, I ended up with this one. I thought it was much more appropriate for the entries I have been writing, lately. I have all of the images hosted, so I will think of changing them to suit my mood. That would be fun!
Today, someone called me a Goddess! Yeah...me. Can you believe that? I thought that Goddesses were incredibly tall and disgustingly thin. I thought they had long, wavy golden locks, and big blue eyes. They of course, would have a perfect, pink, pouty mouth. Oh, we can't forget the big tits, right? Anyway...me, a Goddess? Not likely! There I was with my windblown hair, all out of breath from chasing after the bus (oh yes, not to self: GET IN SHAPE!) My cheeks were all red, and I felt like a really, really fat chick. I was wearing worn out jeans, and a zipper-front fleece. I thought I looked pretty "grubby", actually. Anyway, this man just looked at me and said, "What a vision of loveliness you are. You look like a Goddess sitting there, I swear." A Goddess! I don't have one quality of the typical Goddess! I'm only 5'9, for one. I am a chubby thing. I have long, straight, dark brown hair. Big BROWN eyes...well, I guess I have the big tits going for me, but that's just cause i'm chubby. Also, i'm pale as hell. I can't wait to get out in the sun! My Texan made fun of my legs last week. He was like, "Nice pale legs. Have you heard of sun, before?" I simply said, "Central Ontario...CANADA, middle of the fucking winter. We won't see the sun for at least another two months". And it's true. No tan for me, for some time. Poor, pale me. Goddess? pfft!
Last night was one of those nights when I needed a man...and I don't mean in the sexual sense, you horny dogs. I mean, I needed a man...to talk to. I needed someone to tell me I was beautiful. I just wanted someone to make me feel good. Soooo, I talked to Matthew for a bit, then he had to leave :( That sucked. After that, I talked to Ramiro, and then he left me, too! Ramiro never leaves. I was sad :( Sooo, I called Keith...his phone was off, and he didn't want to talk to my anyway. My last resort...I called Chris. I dialed the number, and when it actually rang, I hung up! What was I thinking, calling him! The last thing I need him to think is that i'm in some way attached to him. *sigh* So, sure enough, he called me back. Not cool. Anyway, I ended up talking to him on the phone for 4 bloody hours! Yes, I did not get to bed until after 6am. I wasn't happy. Chris was not what I needed. I know it sounds bad, but he is not man enough for me. I'm serious. He is still a boy. Keith...that is who I really wanted. Things mean so much more, coming from him. I have to get over him!
I bought a new journal today. It is actually really cute. It's blue and hardcover and has a posh looking chick on the front. I like it. I am going to try and write my Keith thoughts in there, so you poor readers don't have to listen to me about it. When I read back, I see how much of a loser I really am. I am hopelessly in love with him. There is no hope for me. It will only end in more tears, but it's too late now. I'm addicted.