How do you become a part of a life, again?
All the writing in the world isn't going to do it, and there's only so far I can reach out.
Of all of the people that know what's happened to me, of all the people that wished me well, not one has thought to realize that the hardest part of it all, is dealing with it here, and not at home.
I don't feel sorry for myself. I am not upset about being sick. It's being here. I just want to be a part of something, again, and I can't seem to get that. It's amazing how many people can show you love, and still leave you completely alone.
There are good people in the world, and many of them just outside my door, but they never come knocking, and i'm locked in, it seems.
You can't go back. I know that. I can't rewind time and place myself at some party, or event with a certain group of people. The sad thing is that I can't control that in the present, either.
I'm a strong person. I've been through a lot. I beat cancer when it had me beat, and I know what I can do. Sadly, I can't do this. I'm completely helpess and just want one person...just one to really reach out and realize that i'm a prisoner right now, and that's the only thing in my life that worries me and keeps me down.
I can't stop. When you want something so bad, you can't flip the switch off.
Always Living A Dream
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