I'm not dying or anything. It's just one more obstacle to overcome. I've had a lot of those, but better to get them out of the way now, I say.
I am not scared. I am actually surprisingly positive about it. This is something I can't control, so I have to sit back and let the doctor's do their jobs, and just go with the flow until i'm better.
It sort of hit me yesterday, after my biopsy, though. It's one thing to hear the word cancer, and talk about a tumor, but it's another to see a piece of it in a specimen jar. It's a real thing. It's not a maybe or a hypothetical. It's there. I have it.
What a crazy thing life is.
But everything happens for a reason. I could've been facing all of this in Europe, by myself. I could've not even found out, had I been in Europe.
It really throws into light the mistakes that have been made, and the chances you have to mend things. I have an opportunity to let my father into my life (Because he's trying, and I owe it to him to be a little receptive. He said last night "I know it's weird because you've been....gone for so long, but i'm here if you want to talk, and we're all worried about you.") I have a chance, being back in Carleton Place, to fix what I did to the friendships I had here. (Some of them anyway.)
I really would have liked to spend some time with Siobhan but she keeps ignoring my e-mails, and i'm not that desperate. I thought it might be good for both of us. It's crazy to think that after all this time, she STILL has a holier than thou attitude. She is in almost the same boat as me, except swap health problems for financial problems (she'd argue, but the fact of the matter is that her income is ZERO) Anyway, some bridges can't be rebuilt I guess.
It's amazing what a positive thing cancer can be for a person. I'll overcome this, like all of my other obstacles, but I plan on taking full advantage of the opportunities i've been given to put myself back together...completely.