Um...I got flowers on Valentine's Day, which was really nice. I took photos but need to use the rest of the flim, then get them developed. I will post them when that's done. They were from Chris, and a total surprise. Made my day, that day.
Then I got into a bit of a predicament at work. I scheduled a Doctor's apt for Saturday, but I had to work that day. I had asked someone a week earlier to cover it, because I just didn't wanna work it (I don't think it's necessary for her to know about the health problems i've been having.) Of course, my intention was always to trade shifts with her, resulting in me opening on a weekday, which I NEVER do. Anyway, she said she'd do it if no one else would, then on Tues I messaged her on Facebook, Weds night I called her and no answer, and finally when I talked to her on Thur she said she made other plans because she didn't hear from me.
This sent me into a panic because I have been having such terrible health problems lately, and now only had one day to find someone to cover it...and there was nobody who would or could do it. Anyway, I started freaking out saying I was pissed at the girl because she said she would do it. Finally I was just like "oh well, I guess I can miss the apt." and was heading out the door, when someone had a suggestion to cover everything...I said sure and left.
Well doesn't my boss call me the next morning losing her shit at me over the whole thing, saying I was being sneaky and trying to do it behind her back, and just wanted to have Saturday off, etc. This really upset me because I never ask for anything at work. I cover for everyone, come in early, stay late, work doubles, work on my day off, so someone else can get to their appointments, and I get shit on in that way. As if that weren't bad enough, the coworker that said she would work told my boss "I never said I would." so my boss then tore into me even more. I was so fucking pissed.
I ended up getting the day off, which is NOT what I wanted. I had wanted to trade for a Friday shift, but instead I lost 8 hours of pay...does she seriously think I would do that just because? That is what pisses me off. I said it was because I didn't want to work, because I didn't want people to get all freaked out about my health...anyway, lesson learned I guess. Just one more reason for me to hate my job.
But I didn't say that at the time. I actually sent the girl who originally said she would work it, a long winded e-mail explaining the health issues i've been having, why I needed that appointment so badly, how it made me feel that she would lie to my boss to get me in shit, and how it makes me feel when I bust my ass for all of them at times, and get shit done for me. As it turned out, one coworker bent over backwards trying to cover it for me, and I am very grateful for that, because it was him who worked it all out. It just pisses me off that I was in the black books for that, when not even a week earlier, my MANAGER did the exact same thing, which resulted in me working on my day off, and nobody would say a word about it.
Anyway, that was that. Then I went on vacation! woohoo! 9 days spent back home in CP! It wasn't overly exciting, but it was relaxing. I got to hang out with the dogs, catch 4 of my sister's hockey games, had breakfast and went shopping with my older sister, caught a movie one night, drank way too much Tim Horton's cofee, did a 1000 piece puzzle, slept in, went to the pub, visited with my old boss for WAY too long, applied for some jobs and thought long and hard about where i'd be next year.
It went SO well! I didn't fight with anyone at all, until yesterday morning. A mere 6 hours before it was time for me to leave. My mom started talking about how I needed to go to the doctor and get more tests done, etc. Then she eased into calling me fat, which is obviously always my favourite conversation. My body is mine. I am aware if it's size, and yeah, I am carrying some extra weight right now, but there is a legitimate reason for that. Sometime's those things get overlooked. I felt very insulted that she was telling me that, because she is incredibly overweight right now, as well.
I tried to avoid it. I watched the tv, and didn't listen to her...then she kept saying "what?" and I said "I do not want to talk about this." and she kept going. So I said again, "Please mom, I don't want to talk about this." and she kept going, so I got up and walked away. She sounded like she was genuinely upset by that, but not in an angry way...and then she started yelling after me, when i went upstairs. I went into the bathroom where Taylor was having a shower, to get a tissue, and she asked what was wrong. "She called me fat" I said, which i shouldn't have because that set her off.
So she comes upstairs screaming and yelling, and i'm just sitting there folding laundry and not listening. Finally I just turned to her and said "I am aware that i'm heavy right now. Telling me so isn't going to do anything to fix that." And she argued that it was. "No, I am not magically going to shrink because you're sitting there telling me i'm fat." She seemed to think it was a good idea to press on. "I'm worried about you is all. YOu're going to die blah blah blah." (And let me inform you that i'm not HUGE. I don't weigh 300 lbs, I don't eat non stop. I don't lie around all day and do nothing. I am always on the go...not as active as most people, but not a sloth, either.)
Anyway, finally I said it "Telling me i'm fat is not going to make me thin. It's just going to make me hate you more." As soon as the words left my mouth I wanted to take them back. She started sobbing, and ran away. Apparently my dad had asked her to talk to me, because he thinks i'm fat, and she said she wouldn't because she knew I would get upset, and he said "well something needs to be said" so she said something, then I told her I hated her, and that just upset her a lot, because she got to be the bad guy even though it was him who wanted to say it, you know?
Anyway, she stomped and yelled and threw things and projected it on to Taylor, then yelled at me to do chores and stuff, to which i replied "I no longer live here, and none of this mess is mine." which made her even more angry at Taylor.
Anyway, dad and Taylor were working on a puzzle, and I was sitting on the sofa, and she came in and said, "I would leave, you know. If I could. Sometimes I wish I could just leave. Nobody here cares about me at all. Taylor treats me like shit, and you let her (to my dad) and everyone hates me because I worry about them. I do! I worry about you all, and you don't even care! Jessie, I know that i'm overweight too, and that's why I thought maybe when you come home and we find out why you keep gaining weight, we can do something together."
I just sat there and glared at her.
"Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me with hate."
I glared some more. She started sobbing again. "I'm worried about you!"
Here is where I got really mean. "Two days ago, I told you I was sick. You sarcastically said "Well then go to the hospital" And now, here I sit, unable to breathe, barely able to speak.
"I didn't say it sarcastically! I meant it. If you thought you were sick, go to the hospital."
Then Taylor piped in. "It's like the time she called and said she thought she had shingles, but you told her it was nothing and to wait, and then she couldn't even move and had to go to the hospital."
Mom sobbed again "How was I supposed to know?!"
Anyway, long story short, I don't think i've ever heard her cry so much and so hard, and I knew I hurt her by saying I hated her, but I couldn't bring myself to apologize, because somewhere inside, I really was that angry that I felt it when i said it.
I spent a few hours thinking about it all, on the way home, and realized that she probably was worried about me. She was absolutely wrong to continue to talk to me after I said "i don't want to talk about this" and anything that she did to make me angry, only added to what got said to her. However, there is never a reason to tell a parent that you hate them, and I felt really bad because I knew how much it hurt her when I said that.
So I called when i got home to apologize, and dad told me she was asleep. I knew she wasn't, I don't want her to feel like I don't care that she cares, because I do...but her caring won't do anything to help the issue, right?
So anyway, i'm a bit bummed about that. She didn't even say bye to me, before I left.
And I am sick. All stuffed up and gross. I'd call in to work, but think they'd be pissed that I missed the day after a 9 day vacation. haha. So I am off to brave work all snotty and red. ewww. Wish me luck!