It's constantly following us. Some days we see it as a brief apparition and other days it's a full blown haunting. Nevertheless, it's always there. Lurking, waiting for it's chance to come to life again, for a brief moment in our minds. Always right when we're making a decision.
It's impossible to forgive and forget, when it comes to love, especially. Our mistakes and misfortunes of the past, affect our ability to give our hearts fully to another. And for that, i'll never forgive myself or those that have taken from me.
Each time you lose a love, your heart becomes smaller, snd smaller. Each time, your mind steps up to protect you. Your memory of the past, prevents hurt in the future. But hurt is not inevitable, and that is where the heart is right. When it wants to fall, we should let it, because the mind can't understand.
But somewhere along the way, the mind overpowers the heart. (humans are a tricky species.) and love gets lost in limbo. Somewhere between the mind and the heart, but not where it should be. Lost. In the meantime, the heart blames the mind, the mind blames the heart. Unbeknownst to the heart and the mind, another heart is breaking somewhere because of that battle.
And love becomes like the end of a rainbow....a myth. An illusion that we can chase forever, but never have. And the heart aches more and more with each attempt. And the mind learns to resent love. If this happens, love is lost forever. All because of the past.
I don't want that to happen to me, but I see it happening everyday. Slowly, my mind is talking me out of what my heart knows. I hate it. It hurts. I feel like no matter what I do, I will hurt. But i'm wrong. What if he does love me like I have always wanted someone to? What if he stays? Wouldn't that be nice? But my mind won't let me. I hate it. I hate the constant doubt that lurks because of the PAST. Why does the past always have to play a part?
Not everyone is the same. I know that. Some people have good hearts. It's not fair of me to doubt, but I can't stop. It's safer and easier, and my mind won't stop. It's always going.
I hate what they did to me. It used to be so easy.
Always Living A Dream
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