Dating is hard. I forgot what it's like to really like someone and worry that they don't like you as much/like that. I have that feeling in my stomach, right now...mixed with hunger and other things that i'll touch on in a few minutes.
I went out with this guy last night, and had a truly awesome time. He and his sister picked me up at about 3:30 and we went to Wal-Mart because they were getting their photo taken for Christmas, for the relatives. So cute. She left, and he and I wandered Wal-Mart and had McDonald's. Yum.
We went to his Christmas party for work, which was a blast! (He works at a car dealership, as a mechanic.) The party was at the dealership. They had it catered, and it was....open bar. My kind of party. The pair of us got all liquored up, and had a really fun time chatting with his coworkers and their wives.
At one point, his boss (the owner) got me a cooler from outside, because he was storing them there to keep them cold. Went to get me a cup for it and I just said, "I like it from the bottle." He took a step back, gave me a startled look and said "Well alright." I felt like maybe I shouldn't have said that, and when I asked my date later, he said it probably just surprised him more than anything, and I hadn't done anything wrong.
We left his party and went to my work party. We didn't stay there long, though, and I feel like i'm going to hear a lot of crap from people, tomorrow. My date is a really great guy. Nice, funny, fun...but he was really drunk, and he definitely fell down the stairs. Everyone laughed, but i'm sure they were wondering "Who is this idiot?"
We left my party after about forty five minutes, with the intention of going to the bar, but instead, we ended up going back to his place.
This is where things get a little odd...
***************************************WARNING!! TOO MUCH INFORMATION COMING!
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Okay, now that that's taken care of...
I am a very emotional girl. I like to feel. I think sex is just sex, and while everyone loves it, I much prefer an emotional connection, than sex. So, this chain of events is hard for even me to grasp, right now.
We kissed. Messed around, whatever. He tried over and over to get into my pants. (Literally) but I was not having it. He had promised that it wouldn't go there...I kept reminding him. He was really sweet about it, though. If I said no, he'd roll away for a few minutes, until I couldn't stand it anymore, and i'd grab him. I was definitely teasing the poor thing. But he was being really nice. Saying if I didn't want to, we wouldn't. He also said, in his drunkennes "Since I first picked you up today, all I could think is how much I like you" and stuff. Nice, eh?
Anyway, around 5am things got out of hand. I realized that I really like him, and I felt comfortable and before I knew it...
Let me just say that it was great. So great I couldn't see. I am sore because I don't think anyone has gone so deep before, and I thought I was going to split in two. I kept telling him "You're going to fucking kill me". He was so nice, though. He went easy on me, when I asked him to, and he said, "Do you trust me?" and made sure I said yes, before having his way with me.
Then we cuddled. He curled up next to me, and we talked and cuddled. We laughed about how he fell down the stairs at my party. We laughed about some of the things his coworkers said at his party. It seemed good. He asked me if I was okay. I said yeah. Asked him if he was. He said he was concerned about me, because he knew that he had hurt me. I told him it wasn't pain, really. It was something else.
He fell asleep. I lay awake and watched the fish, and listened to the music and thought about what I had done to myself.
Morning came and when he tried again, I suddenly became shy. I wanted to, so bad, but something just...it was like alarms giong off in my head. I told him I was tired and tried to make light of it. He got out of bed and went for a jog.
When he got back, he made me breakfast. A HUGE breakfast. bacon, eggs, sausages, raspberries and fresh croissants. After he had a shower, I said I should probably go. Before I got the chance, he put on a movie. I said i'd stay. he said that was his plan. I lay down on the bed, and he lay with his head on my lap, and neither of us said much while the movie was on.
After it ended, I was thinking how he must want me to leave, but he put on another movie, and we assumed the same position again, and watched that one. It was comfortable, and sweet...but at the same time, I couldn't figure out why he didn't want to ravish me again.
When it ended, I decided I had to go home, since it was after 5pm now. He said okay, walked me to the door, gave me a hug and said see ya later.
So what really bothers me about all this, is the goodbye. A perfectly good, long, great date, foiled by the last words he says. I don't know if he's going to call. I want him to, very badly as I really like him. I think he's kinda got a whole package going on. He's super nice and sweet, fun and funny, considerate, thoughtful...I dunno. And then I thought about it, and he likes so many of the same things as me. A good ol country boy, as they say.
Anyway, i'm kinda bummed because I want him to call. I have this feeling inside right now, that he's not going to. That makes me really sad, because I feel like a whore, now. I put out, and in exchange all I might get is breakfast. :(
But you know what they say...there's plenty of fish in the sea ;) I have a breakfast date tomorrow with a different guy...a girl's gotta have a backup plan.
PS: This dating thing has perks, too. Like knowing that I can always date someone else, if this guy doesn't bite. ;)
But mostly right now, i'm just scared and nervous to see what is going to come of this, if anything.