In the same conversation, my sister mentioned that our older, less intelligent sister was in a four car pile up on the way to school, this morning. Poor baby sister was not having a good day.
My dad has totally fallen off the wagon again. He is probably getting drunk as I type this, and my baby sister sits crying alone at home. I feel like alcohol is the root of his problems, and he feels like my mom is.
I have had this conversation with my mom before. She told me that she thought they were going to split up too, but that they can't know for sure until he fixes his own problems, then they would work on them, and if it didn't work, they'd call it quits.
The problem is that he thinks she's the problem. He drinks, she gets disappointed in him for it, and he blames her for everything wrong with his life. The fact of the matter is that his problem is a very bad addiction, and he'd rather give up his family than the addiction...because apparently that's easier.
My heart hurts, but not for me. It hurts because my sister is not going to have a dad anymore. It hurts because my mom will be left alone again, to take care of her and my sister. It hurts because my dad will never win his personal battle, and he'll be alone in fighting it. I don't want my dad to die alone. And he will die, and it will be soon if he doesn't quit drinking.
I don't want my mom to be alone...she has worked so hard, and put so much of her own life and time and money into helping other people grow and learn and fight for good things...she deserves to have somebody who will stand by her and help her fight all of her battles with the same passion.
And so, it is with a very heavy heart that I have made the decision to move home, if this all comes to a head, in the near future. I will not abandon my sister, and my mom. It's always come down on me to be the strong one, in the past, and i'm not going to stop being stong, now.
I want to make sure that my sister has two parents. I want to make sure that she has two incomes supporting her so she can have everything she wants and needs. I want to make sure that my mom doesn't have to take care of everything alone. I want her to know that she has someone who cares enough about her, to stick with her and help her through everything.
It means sacrificing my own goals and career but if he's going to leave them, i'm going to help them. That's just who I am and how much I love my family.
I tried to be optimistic and told my sister not to be bummed out and that dad is probably just having a bad week, and it will probably all blow over really soon...but after I hung up the phone with her, I had a good cry and started planning for when it happens.
It's been a long time coming, but lately, since he's been trying so hard to fight his addiction, and be a good dad, I thought for sure that everything would work out...boy was I wrong.
Always Living A Dream
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