The best way to go forward, is not to look back.
The best way to embrace the future is to abandon the past.
The best way to get over everything that's kept you down for so long, is to start over.
The chapter is closed. I've cut off all ties except for this one.
It's tough. it's like burning a photo album...watching all of your memories, your feelings, your entire history, go up in smoke.
I have tried so many times to close this diary, but I always come back. Like so many other parts of my past, I can't let it go. I feel safe knowing that it's here waiting for me, when I need it. I remind myself of the way I've felt, and the things I've done, and the person i've become, so often by reading back on this.
But reminiscing doesn't get me anywhere. I can't cling on to the past as tightly as I do. I'm backing everything up, on my PC and disc, so I can look back one day, when i've grown out of this....ridiculous mode i've gotten myself into.
The bottom line is...I can't get over it. I can't get over him. I can't get over how he made me feel, or what he did to my heart and my mind and my entire life. Not as long as it's there, in words, every day, for me to re-live it all.
So i'm done. It's over. Life is beginning again. I'm going to start being the person I know I am, somewhere beneath the crap i've been buried in for so long.
On the weekend, when i get some time, I will open my new page, and share the addy with all of you regular readers. It will be new...from scratch. Minus the crap. I'm done, done done with all of this. All of him. All of the shit. All of the feeling lousy and the tears, and depression and the general angst. I couldn't be happier.
I'll miss Lucretia-21, and i'll check up on her every now and then...maybe adding an update for those of you who are not interested enough to move forward with me.
I'll miss your comments, your dedication, your support and your love (even those of you who lay low and think I won't notice...*ahem* Sarah)
I know you're out there thinking of me, and I know so many of you are proud of me for finally doing this.
So, farewell. Be well. Stay safe. Work hard. Play Hard and put your heart into everything you do.
Peace!