I really do want to believe that it didn't have anything to do with me being sick, but despising someone just because seems like an odd thing, to me.
I'm okay with who I am. I took a long time to get here, I think. I've always been okay blaming everyone else for the way that things have gone. (Lost friendships, etc.) I am aware that not everyone can handle my brutal honesty, and lack of emotions, sometimes, and i'm okay with that.
I have broken hearts and hurt feelings without even realizing it, and i'm okay with that too. I deserve to lose the relationships that end because of something I say or do. I am kind of a bitch, after all. To find out someone hated me so intensely though, and not know what i'd done since the last time i'd seen them was tough.
It still stings to get a death stare from someone for no reason at all. To pass someone in the bar on their birthday, and not even be able to genuinely wish them joy at the time is hard for me.
All of that being said, once I actually put some thought into the actions I experienced, I realised that the triviality of it all should be much sadder for them, then for me. To think that someone would sit there with such hate for another person who is just trying to have fun makes me feel bad for someone who can harbour that emotion that way over nothing.
At the end of the day, I had to realize that I have been having a fantastic time without those friendships, anyway.
Saturday was an absolute riot. It reminded me so much of how things used to be. I think I am okay with the state things are in now, and the death stares only made me feel that much more on track.
We're not 18 anymore, afterall.
(As sad as that is...)